"I've found that when life's brush obscures my view with gloomy strokes that seem to mar the scene, God's hand appears and gives to sunless hue and dreary skies a more majestic sheen." Gustafson

31 May 2009

DAY 116

I guess I'll title today as the day of movement! We started the morning out at the pool and had a blast. Then I got on the treadmill for 45 minutes (woohoo!) and ran some errands this afternoon with the kids. After bathtime and getting the kids down, I started cleaning and just sat down about 15 minutes ago. Eating wasn't the best but tomorrow I'm looking forward to getting back on the plan.
Abundance is....watching Mary Poppins with my little lady.
Abundance is...watching little man in the pool for the first time, splashing and playing.

30 May 2009

DAY 115

Today was a fun family day together! We got out and about for a little bit this afternoon and then had church this evening followed by dinner at Moe's with Mimi and Papa. If it doesn't rain tomorrow, the kids and I are going to make our first visit to Mimi and Papa's pool in the morning. Looking forward to it!
Here comes honesty time...today was another off day regarding eating and working out. I started out eating "good" and then blew it half way through the day so I went "all out" and had a burrito, chips, sour cream and Dr. Pepper at Moe's! BUT, I will say I'm paying for it now. I'm stuffed and as much as I need to get on the treadmill, I don't have it in me tonight. The gross feeling in my tummy and the slight headache I have aren't helping my motivation level.
So, alas, I won't thrown in the towel but I WILL keep trudging on. Forward progress, just keep moving ahead, don't look back.... I chant to myself!
I won't share specifics here, but please continue praying for the adoption process. There's a good chance the tribe will be hearing from us soon via a letter Chris wrote and we're praying it gets in the right hands. Asking for God's continued favor.
Abundance is....reciting 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 with my little lady.
Abundance is....snuggle time and kisses from little man.

29 May 2009

DAY 114

It was sweet and quiet in my closet early this morning praying and reading. Work was productive and then we had our DCS meeting. All went pretty well. Plans are in place and we're working toward the adoption (hopefully) later this year. This afternoon, we finished our LAST foster care class...woohoo! We enjoyed dinner at McAlister's and then a stroll through downtown Franklin. We took the kids up on the top of the parking deck to run around for a bit. The view was gorgeous tonight!
Happy to report I got my 30 minute walk in on the treadmill tonight!! I always feel so good afterwards. Eating wasn't the greatest (again) today so my plan is to get back on track with WW tomorrow.
Abundance is...my children when they giggle and belly laugh uncontrollably!

28 May 2009

DAY 113

Ok, so I slept from about 9:45PM last night until 8AM! Thank goodness it wasn't a "wash my hair day" because I would NEVER have made it to work by 8:30AM! A wonderful night's rest.
My day was super busy from start to finish. I got things accomplished at work, ran about five errands (got drenched in the rain!), had a sweet hang time with a dear friend while the kids played, made dinner, ran more errands, got the kids down and then just finished Bible Study with my friend, Laine. Chris and I are laying on our bed, catching-up on our days and watching "I AM LEGEND" with Will Smith. We just got to a freaky part so I'm going to keep my eyes on the computer and keep typing!!
I ate better today but still more than I should (although should can be such a shaming word). I had asked Laine if we could walk around my neighborhood the first 30 minutes we hung out (so I could get my workout in) but Chris didn't get home until 10PM so I couldn't leave the house. Come rain or high water, I've GOT to get my workout in tomorrow!!
We have a very important meeting tomorrow with DCS so please keep us in your prayers. Praying for God's continued favor. Little man has ANOTHER ear infection (7 or so in the last year) so he may need tubes. Please pray for his healing, as well.
Abundance is....hearing Britain make-up songs about Jesus and God.
Abundance is...receiving sweet kisses from little man.

27 May 2009

DAY 112

This is by the far the EARLIEST I've ever blogged! I'll explain why in the coming entry. I was in the Word early again this morning before the kids arose. I'm so thankful for the quiet moments to listen and pray. Work flew by and then I had a MRI done on a little bump on my left forearm. My doctor doesn't seem concerned (so neither am I) but wanted to get it checked just in case. I got home from work and hung with the kids. Chris had training in Nashville today so he was home "early" for dinner which was a great treat! We watched the kids with my Pilates bands doing all kinds of moves and pulling each other around. Then, we did an early bathtime so we could all get in bed at a decent hour. The last few nights the kids have been up later than normal and I think it shows! Chris is pooped and already in bed and I'm right behind him. Sometimes we just need to slow down.
My "good" friend "George" is visiting again so I've been eating like a crazy woman today. It's a sad excuse but that always seems to be the case on his first day visiting! I really want/need to get on the "mill" downstairs but I'm choosing to rest. My body is still fighting some kind of sinus/allergy infection and I don't want it to escalate.
Abundance is...family bedtime stories reading about David and Goliath.

26 May 2009

DAY 111

I started my morning in prayer and in the Word which has been my source of strength as of late. Twas a productive day at work, lots of organizing and such. We hung out with our neighbor friends this afternoon and then had a yummy dinner with Mimi and Papa here. Chris got off earlier than normal tonight and had the great idea to surprise the kids and take them to the Mall carnival for a few rides. Brit was beside herself! The four of us rode the ferris wheel together and then she rode the race car and dumbo the elephant by herself and then Mimi took her on a kid-friendly roller coaster. We all had an amazing time...it couldn't have been a more gorgeous evening.
I MADE myself get on the treadmill at 9:30PM, it's not that I didn't want to, I just really wanted to hang with my hubs on the couch and spend time with him. BUT, I walked for 40 minutes and really enjoyed it. Eating wasn't the greatest again today...thankful tomorrow's a new day.
Abundance is....the delight and wonderment on my little lady's face as she experienced her first trip up on a ferris wheel...priceless.

25 May 2009

DAY 110

Oh happy day! So, so grateful for my family day with the kids and Chris. We let Chris sleep in (on his day off!) and then made breakfast in bed (turkey & cheese omelet with cinnamon rolls) and celebrated his new work van & day off by lighting a candle! It was sweet and then we all hung out in our bed laughing and playing. Then we made a Trader Joe's run up to Nashville and then spent the evening with a dear family that had us over for a cookout and volleyball in the backyard. It was so fun!
For my weigh-in, I stayed the same as the last 2 weeks so I'm just maintaining. I ate like crap today EXCEPT I passed up the amazing looking brownies & ice cream at dinner tonight. Chris and I are about to pop in a movie so I'm on day 3 without any workout but I did move and groove (ha!) playing ball tonight for about 25 minutes so I guess that counts a little. :) Oh how I do miss the treadmill!
While the kids were making a fort and playing oh so well together this morning, I was in the Word and journaling.
I bought this amazing little treasure of a book a few years ago after seeing it at my dentist's office, "The Art of Abundance" and highly recommend the purchase. The book is filled with statements that start with "Abundance is....". So I've decided to start writing my own "Abundance is..." statements on my blog everyday with the treasures that are in my world.
Today....abundance is...my almost two-year-old boy learning to bow his head, hold his hands in the praying position and then say Amen!
Abundance is....my children holding onto each leg giving leg hugs!
From the book: Abundance is....having enough for today.
Sweet dreams friends...

24 May 2009

DAY 109

My day in a nutshell: Quiet time (1 Thes 5:16-18 about God's will for us); grocery shopping with the kiddos; coloring; lots of kleenex; sweet hang time with our community group (kids and adults). I've been battling a sinus headache most of the day and feel a bit sick to my stomach tonight so another day with NO workout...urgh! I did manage to eat pretty good...passing up a piece of key lime pie was HARD!
Exciting about the day off tomorrow with my wonderful family!

23 May 2009

DAY 108

Waking up with sinus/allergy gunk is NO FUN! I think sitting out on the patio at Pei Wei last night set me off. I've been sniffing and hacking all day. But we did have some fun mixed in. Brit and I went to one of her sweet friend's 5th b'day party (I only had one piece of pizza, but wanted more!) at Let It Shine and we had a blast! Such an incredible place! Hope to enroll Brit someday. Then we got to hangout with our neighbors, go to Sat nite service at Church and met up with Chris' cousin and wife at Jason's for dinner (had the salad bar).
I did spend some time in the Word while the kids were eating breakfast but no workout today. I don't feel up to it so I gave myself a grace day. :) Everybody needs those! We're celebrating the fact that Chris gets a new work van tomorrow WITH AIR CONDITIONING! YAY! And he gets Monday off! :)
Calling it a night....

22 May 2009

DAY 107

What an AMAZING day from start to finish! God's been urging me to CHOOSE to get up earlier so I can spend some alone time with Him, first thing in the mornings. I actually did it this morning! I awoke early before anyone was stirring (not even a mouse! ha...just had to throw that in!), lit a candle and enjoyed a sweet time in my closet...just me and Jesus. Sitting amongst the plethora of stinky shoes (my feet get sweaty, a "blessing" I was born with!), it reminded me of how Jesus sees my sin...stinky, gross and not so fun to be around.
At work, I got a lot accomplished and then worked some on my Dad's book. He's writing a book that may one day get published and since my folks don't own (or want to own) a computer AND since I LOVE typing, I jumped at the chance to serve him by getting his book into electronic format. The section I typed today was part of my Dad's personal journey and upbringing. When I came to the entry about my Pa Bell's (my Dad's Father) death, the tears were abounding. My Pa Bell didn't know Jesus up until a few days before he had a heart attack so reading the poem that changed his life, his story and his heart was so touching. I will forever keep this poem in my family and share it as it's a testimony to my Pa Bell's recreation in Christ. These were unexpected tears giving me more of a sense of my heritage and how Jesus moves in others.
Brit's dance recital was a trip! She did an AMAZING job (considering they haven't been able to practice the last 3 weeks because the gym was flooded and they had to replace all of the flooring). It was precious to watch those little ladies jive and groove and wiggle and bow and rock n roll!
After dance, we finished our second to last foster care class with our wonderful trainer. And then enjoyed a great evening outside on the patio at Pei Wei with some of our good friends. It was the perfect night for outdoor seating. The sky over Franklin captured me on the drive home.
To top off the day, I just got finished with a 30 minute walk on the treadmill and will be spending some quality time with my hubs when he gets back from his late night scooter ride.
So thankful for a wonderful day!

21 May 2009

DAY 106

Another late night! I had a very productive day at work followed by some hang time with my amazing kids this afternoon before I rushed off to another Russia team meeting. I do a Bible Study with a sweet friend every Thursday night after the kids go down so she came over early to babysit and then we met, prayed and finished up our study in Proverbs. I'm just finishing-up the dishes and the house is quiet. Chris was able to get out for some hang time with one of his close guy friends.
Needless to say, I didn't get my workout in today. And I had the munchies tonight so I tanked tonight.
Praying for another productive day tomorrow! Brit has her dance recital...YAY!!

20 May 2009

DAY 105

This will be a quick entry as it's late and I'm fading fast. Snippets of my day include: gorgeous day; actually busy at work; had fun at Brit's end of the school year picnic lunch at the park; great dinner and hang time with the kids and one of my best friends; hour and a half of foster videos and homework with Chris; no time for my workout!

19 May 2009

DAY 104...continued

Thanks to Ally for her encouragement...I just finished my 20 minute Pilate DVD! And I am thankful I did it! :)

DAY 104

Today was a quiet, peaceful day in the office. My boss is in Africa for two weeks so I'm working on projects and enjoying the peaceful setting. I inhaled a large bowl of strawberries and blueberries at lunch....um, yummy...lots of antioxidant rich fruits!

I hung outside with the kids for a bit this afternoon and then enjoyed our weekly Tuesday night dinner with Mimi and Papa. After our spaghetti, we watched Idol only to be totally turned off by Adam AGAIN! So hoping Kris wins!

The kids are down and the house is quiet. Chris is working late. I typically don't go down to the dungeon to workout when he's not here because there's no chance of hearing the kids down there, especially with the sound of the treadmill and TV going. So, I'm sitting here debating on Pilates or not. Will see if I can get my butt into action!

18 May 2009

DAY 103

As is the case most nights, I'm just jumping off the treadmill and thankful for a little alone time to focus on strengthening my body. I weighed in this morning and am excited to say I didn't gain and maintained from last week's weigh-in.

I worked, got my immunizations for my trip to Russia later this summer and had a fun afternoon with the kids. Chris got home "earlier" than most nights so it was great having him home and doing our bedtime routine together with the kids. The embrace they gave him when he came up the stairs was priceless....one kid on each leg giving him bear hugs!

The fire detector in little man's room kept going off in the middle of the night last night so we are zonked. Heading to bed shortly....but I did want to share the below devotional I read last week. If I've already shared it in a previous blog, please forgive me. :)

Devotional from My Utmost for His Highest
Take the Initiative
. . . add to your faith virtue . . . —2 Peter 1:5

"Add means that we have to do something. We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do. We cannot save nor sanctify ourselves— God does that. But God will not give us good habits or character, and He will not force us to walk correctly before Him. We have to do all that ourselves. We must "work out" our "own salvation" which God has worked in us ( Philippians 2:12 ). Add means that we must get into the habit of doing things, and in the initial stages that is difficult. To take the initiative is to make a beginning— to instruct yourself in the way you must go.

Beware of the tendency to ask the way when you know it perfectly well. Take the initiative— stop hesitating— take the first step. Be determined to act immediately in faith on what God says to you when He speaks, and never reconsider or change your initial decisions. If you hesitate when God tells you to do something, you are being careless, spurning the grace in which you stand. Take the initiative yourself, make a decision of your will right now, and make it impossible to go back. Burn your bridges behind you, saying, "I will write that letter," or "I will pay that debt"; and then do it! Make it irrevocable.

We have to get into the habit of carefully listening to God about everything, forming the habit of finding out what He says and heeding it. If, when a crisis comes, we instinctively turn to God, we will know that the habit has been formed in us. We have to take the initiative where we are, not where we have not yet been."

17 May 2009

DAY 102

I woke up this morning DETERMINED to have some quiet time even though the morning was flying by. So I sat at the kitchen table while Brit did her crafts and Wakia napped. I was truly uplifted when I read the below verses. They seemed to come alive to me because I've been feeling shame and guilt for the way I've been eating the past few days. The highlights that stick out to me are FREEDOM, do not lose heart, and renewed day by day.

2 Cor 3:17
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

2 Cor 4:1-2
"We do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways, we do not use deception, nor do we distort the Word of God."

2 Cor 4:16
"...inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

The kids and I enjoyed a great afternoon with sweet friends and then had a fun block party in our neighborhood. It was great weekend with lots of yummy food that I inhaled!

I've got to kick it up a notch or I'm just going to continue in this same pattern over and over. Anyone want to threaten me or something? I desperately need and want to stick to my Weight Watchers plan because I know it works!

The dreaded weigh-in is tomorrow!

16 May 2009

DAY 101

I missed my entry last night because I was in bed before 9PM with a migraine! URGH! Yesterday was a fun organizational day with a friend and then dinner with her sweet family and mine. We had an all day CPR and Medication Administration class today and then met up with the family tonight at Jason's Deli.
I missed my workouts yesterday and today and haven't counted points the last two days.
Not much else to report!
Calling it a night...

14 May 2009

DAY 99

Today was an utter loss in terms of eating and working out. I have Bible Study with a friend in a few minutes so I won't be able to get my walk in. Thankful that I've gotten to walk every day since Sunday...that's a rarity! Not sure why I've been eating like a pig today but I've felt very emotional for some reason. I'm giving myself some grace and I'll pull myself back up tomorrow but it's still discouraging.
Thank goodness it's Friday tomorrow!
Slugging along....

13 May 2009

DAY 98

'Twas another gorgeous day! I had to order Moe's for our staff board meeting today and am so proud to say I didn't eat one bite! Although I wanted to pump the cheese queso dip through my veins!! My boss did treat me to a half sweet/half unsweet tea from Sonic and I had a coffee lite Frap from Starbucks for lunch so I didn't feel deprived at all.
The kids and I played outside again this afternoon...enjoying the sun while it lasts. We were sad to see our favorite American Idol, Danny Gokey, go home tonight. :(
Just jumped off the treadmill (35 minute walk) and I'm heading upstairs to hang with Chris and work on our foster class homework for Friday.
My legs are feel strong and the flab is starting to tone!! :)

12 May 2009

DAY 97

What a gorgeous day! We spent the afternoon outside again playing and walking around the neighborhood and then had a "Fancy Nancy" dinner party with Mimi and Papa tonight. We all dressed up in our "fancy" clothes...even Papa found a few accessories to "dress-up" his look. Mimi was beautiful in her flowing dress and scarf. Brit's fancy clothes didn't stay on long but we had fun doing it!
I drank tons of water today and got my 30 minute walk in on the treadmill tonight. WW is coming along pretty good. :)
Sitting on the couch watching American Idol with my hubs....more tomorrow!

11 May 2009

DAY 96

I'm a sweaty, treadmill fool right now but I got my 35 minute walk in!! And I managed to do 125 crunches. Plus, I'm happy to report that I counted all my points today and I'm on track! I did gain 1 lb since last week but I'm actually really thankful it wasn't more. I ALWAYS put on a few pounds when I go on vacation and I definitely didn't eat the best last week....excited it wasn't a big gain.
We spent the late afternoon with the neighbor kids outside on the trampoline and in the wagon. Then, Brit and I dressed-up like Fancy Nancy for dinner (at home) tonight and had fun being all dolled up!
Ready to kick some butt this week and drop some more pounds!

*Check-out Fancy Nancy here...we're just getting into her and only have one book so far but it's wonderful!

10 May 2009

DAY 95

I got to spend the day with my amazing children! We cleaned (Brit loves to help with the vacuuming and dusting!) and organized most of the day and then spent the evening with our community group. It was a gorgeous night so we made smores (I only ate a few graham crackers!) and played in the back yard. And I'm just getting in from a late night grocery run. It's so much quicker and easier to do it late night without the kids and crowds.
I was able to squeeze in a 25 minute walk on the treadmill. I'm learning to MAKE the time because as my good friend Allison says, "I'm worth it!"
Weigh-in tomorrow, not sure how that will go because I've been off more than on this week. Now that family's gone and the Amish Friendship bread is out of the house, I'll be back on WW full force starting tomorrow morning.
Looking forward to the week ahead!

09 May 2009

DAY 94

Did anyone see the sunset over Franklin tonight? It was breathtaking! We caught glimpses of it on our way out of Cracker Barrel and on the drive home. My family took Mimi (Chris' mom) and I there after church (it's one of our favorite spots) for Mother's Day. It was a wonderful evening!
I just jumped off the treadmill (woohoo!) after a 40 minute walk (burned 400 calories). Even though it's been nearly a week since I was on it last and I haven't eaten the greatest, my body's metabolism has increased because I'm still fitting into pants I haven't worn in 2 years. It's a wonderful feeling!
Excited to celebrate Mother's Day with my two precious kiddos!!

08 May 2009

DAY 93

Ok so we waited (not intentionally) until the night before our foster care class to watch the 1.5 video and do our homework. Thus, the LATE night entry. It's been a great day with family. And this evening was gorgeous here in Middle TN. Our feast at Buca Di Beppo was just what I expected, amazingly delicious. I did pretty good there, mostly just sampling the dishes. I filled up on salad and did enjoy the bread & oil. On WW, they encourage you to have 1-2 TBSP of oil a day, something I hardly ever get in my "diet". Ready to get back on the treadmill tomorrow and really kick my WW back into high gear.
Sweet dreams...

07 May 2009

DAY 92

After working all day (ok, so I get off at 3:30 but it still FEELS like the whole day), it was so great coming home to the kids and heading outside for some late afternoon, pre-dinner fun. With Chris' long hours, we never know when he'll get home so I'm getting used to just going with the flow. We had a fun time on a neighbors trampoline, took them for a little wagon ride, played outback, made dinner, painted nails (painted Brit's and she painted mine, clear of course!), gave the kids baths, got little man down and the best part was wearing glow in the dark bracelets outside and reading "Fancy Nancy" to Brit by the streetlight! It was about 9:15 when all was said and done so I decided to go ahead and bake some cinnamon streusel bread for breakfast since my parent's are here. Any prep work I can do at night is oh so helpful.
It's 9:45 and Chris is just now heading home. His shift is SUPPOSED to end at 6:30 but it's a guessing game from day to day (last night he didn't get home until after midnight!!). For whatever reason, it might be loneliness or plain ole sabotage, I engulfed a box of caramel corn tonight. It's embarrassing to admit but I want to be honest. It's freeing to release my "secrets" even though it's really hard to put myself out there. I even felt so great this morning when I got into yet another pair of pants I haven't worn in a LONG TIME. I miss my hubs and when I'm emotional, I head straight for food. Needless to say, that box of caramel corn probably took up all my points for the rest of the month! And tomorrow night is going to be a struggle because we're going to Buca Di Beppo for dinner....only the most amazing family style Italian restaurant around!
Eating out of emotion and eating so much definitely took me back in time to the shameful feelings I've known all my life and yet haven't felt much of at all since I started the 90 in 09 quest a few months back. I need prayers and the will power to keep on the straight and narrow.
Thanks for taking the time to follow my quest....the good, bad and the ugly.

06 May 2009

DAY 91

Hola! Back from the lake house and feeling so relaxed even though keeping up with 2 kids and a dog is hard work. But, I had plenty of help! The setting was gorgeous and it was such a blessing to get away for a few days. Needless to say, I ate well. My mom and her sisters love to cook and serve the family so we ate our fair share of deliciousness. I will say I'm SO thankful I gave up desserts BEFORE the trip. They feasted on fudge, brownies, cookies, cake and a plethora of other goodies. I did allow myself some of the most AMAZING caramel popcorn I've ever tasted. Dad said since corn is a veggie, it wasn't technically a dessert!! Ha, there I go justifying again. :)
When I weighed-in Monday morning, I had dropped 2 lbs since last week. And I'm wearing pants I haven't worn since 2007. We took a family walk last night but I didn't get in my Pilates workouts like I had hoped. The living quarters although spacious, were a little cramped in regards to Pilates moves in front of everyone.
Getting back on it tomorrow. I love feeling healthier and want to continue on faithfully.
Ready for a fresh start tomorrow...

03 May 2009

DAY 88

I'm happy to say I was in the Word first thing this morning AND I got my butt on the treadmill this afternoon! Yay! It felt so good to start my day in prayer and to get back on. I walked for 40 minutes and burned 350 calories.
Sadly, the next 2 days I won't have access to a computer while we're at the lake house with my family so the end of my 90 commitment blog will come on Wednesday night when I'm back home. I can't believe these 90 days have already come and gone! Again, for those of you who have been following my blog, I will continue to blog daily as I seek to live a healthier life - spiritually, physically and emotionally.
I'm taking my Pilates DVD and resistance bands on vacation in hopes of at least getting some form of cardio in.
Off to finish packing!

02 May 2009

DAY 87

It was a fun shopping/hang day with my sis and then with the family tonight. I seriously need your prayers! No workout and I didn't count points today. Hear me when I say I DON'T WANT to give up on my progress just because I'm on vacation but I haven't been doing great the past few days. I did buy a few fun new tops and leggings today that make for great inspiration.
I'm so grateful for your support and prayers!
Hoping to get on the treadmill tomorrow.
Needing a little push....

01 May 2009

DAY 86

We just got home from Opry Mills and I truly feel like I got my 30 minute walk in! I was high tailing it through the mall especially when I found out Brit had stuffed about 10 shoes in our cart and we had to fly back to the store and apologize profusely! My little shoplifter. It was HILARIOUS! :)

I resisted ordering fries and chicken nuggets at Chick-fil-a tonight. Brit & I tried a new Weight Watchers recipe and made chocolate peanut butter smoothie. It was actually really good!

Here's a quote and two scriptures and excerpts that have really inspired me this week.

My friend Allison put this quote on her blog yesterday...thanks Allison!
"Success is something that you earn, not something that you own."

From dailyverse.com....
Hebrews 10:35
"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.
So many of us let the weight of shame, fear and regret overshadow the greatness of who Christ has created us to be. Be intentional to remind yourself of and focus on the truth about you - not the lies that so easily seek audience with our hearts and minds. Confidence, in part, comes from knowing that you're the vessel and His Spirit is at the core of who you are. Rest in that, and quiet the voices that suggest otherwise."

From My Utmost of His Highest...
Gracious Uncertainty
. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2

"Our natural inclination is to be so precise— trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next— that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?" We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God — it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, ". . . unless you . . . become as little children . . ." (Matthew 18:3 ). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, ". . . believe also in Me" (John 14:1 ), not, "Believe certain things about Me". Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in— but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him."