"I've found that when life's brush obscures my view with gloomy strokes that seem to mar the scene, God's hand appears and gives to sunless hue and dreary skies a more majestic sheen." Gustafson

31 May 2007

Confessions of a singer/artist wannabe

More often than I'd like to admit, I have little pity parties for myself and foolishly compare myself to others who (in my eyes) are so much more talented and gifted than I could ever dream to be. I don't sing, can't draw, have no athletic ability whatsoever, not a lick of rhythm in my body to dance and only hope to write one day (I mean the kind of writing that actually gets published in books!).

I know better, I know that it hurts God's heart when I belittle my own giftings and covet what others have. Just recently, I've started learning to embrace the gifts I do have and really explore what's ready to burst forth.

I'm the girl that never developed any hobbies of my own for fear of failure. If it didn't happen quickly, I gave up. When I learned I wasn't a natural at playing the guitar, I got frustrated after a week and gave it up. Instead, I waited around on guys to call or spent too much time on the phone or out on dates. Silly and such a waste of time, I KNOW!

My mind's whirling with the thought that maybe, just maybe God chose not to give me any outward (is that the right word?) talents and instead, wants me to focus all my time and energy in loving Him and being the best wife and mommy I can be. I think that's worth something so much more in Heaven than being able to kick around a ball (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

Back to the singer/artist wannabe thing...so in my readings the other day in the 'bountains (as Brit calls them), I stumbled upon a few writings that really screamed out to me.

"The song we sing in heaven is undoubtedly a song of triumph - a hymn of victory to the Christ who set us free. Yet the sense of triumph and freedom will be born from the memory of our past bondage. Your Father is training you for a part the angels cannot sing, and His conservatory is the school of sorrows. He sends sorrow to educate you, thereby providing you with the proper training for His heavenly choir. In the darkest night, He is composing your song. In the valley, He is turning your voice. In the storm clouds, He is deepening your range. In the rain showers, He is sweetening your melody. In the cold, He is giving your notes expression. And as you pass at times from hope to fear, He is perfecting the message of your lyrics. O dear soul, do not despise your school of sorrow. It is bestowing on you a unique part in the heavenly song." (taken from a devotional in the book "Streams in the Desert.")

"The coming day is a canvas upon which you can compose a beautiful work of art if you choose to do so. If you choose to walk along the path that was first walked by Jesus, your life will become a masterpiece, a powerful work of art, and a tribute to your Savior. The Christian faith is meant to be lived moment by moment."

So maybe I'm not really a wannabe in some respects. Maybe the musician and artist in me has been there all along and isn't really all that hidden. My hope lies in God's faithfulness to continue writing my story, in the moments.

30 May 2007

Oh the view...

So we're just coming off an incredible 5 day vacation in the gorgeous mountains of North Carolina with my family. Nana & Bell (my mom & dad), Aunt Jordie & Uncle Stevie (my sweet sister & her husband).
There's something about a mountain getaway. The newly built cabin with rustic vibe was only 11 miles off I-40 but that's 11 country, mountain, twisty, curvy miles. Translated, it took about 30 minutes to get to town! We were so secluded. Nestled up in the trees with an amazing view.
Amidst family time and conversations, I found myself so enjoying the 'extra' time to think and pray. I completely utilized my family's help and took them up on their offers to watch little BEB. I was able to get away by myself to read and take walks. CNB & Uncle Stevie had fun camping out on the porch a couple nights.
My soul was nourished and replenished. A sweet time of reflection - both personal and spiritual.
If any of you ever desire to stay in a secluded cabin right outside of Asheville, I know the perfect one!

18 May 2007

I Hacked Her Blog!

To All:

It's always awkward for someone to brag on themselves. And if anybody knows my wife, she would never do that anyway. I thought that I would hack into her BLOG and tell you a pretty cool story of how awesome she is. I am sure that I will mess up some of the details, but you will get the gist.

Last weekend, we were at a thing for one of my pastors and a Lady and her daughter from our church sat down next to us. Recently, we found out that the little girl
(7-8 years old) is a big fan of BEB - which is a no-brainer! Anyway, I realized that you really do have to be careful about what you say or do because you never know who is watching or who you have an influence on. This obviously gets me into more trouble than her because I am always putting my foot in my mouth. The lady shared with BEB that her daughter that day had gone into her Mom's bathroom and broke into her hair and make-up stash. She made herself up with hair curly doo-dads and some tasteful make-up. Much to her Mom's surprise, the little girl presented herself in true princess style and said to her Mom, "Look, I am as pretty as Ms. BEB"

Being the humble Cool-Cat that she is, BEB was blown away that this little girl that we don't even know, picked BEB to be her Dream girl/Hero! No surprise to me, a lucky husband who definitely married up! Some kids make Spiderman, Batman, or Princess Fiona their heroes. I am thankful that I have an incredible wife that is the hero to a little girl. Boy, are BEB jr., Scout, and I lucky!

13 May 2007

Mom-mee Day

Of all the roles I've played in life, being Mom-mee is by far the BEST and WORST all wrapped into one. Best because God has entrusted a special gift to me (& Chris). To raise and care for in a godly way. Worst because we only get one shot at this. What I do and don't do has a profound effect (good & bad) on this precious child. Fearful yet rewarding - a high calling. This is nothing new to anyone. Just a reality that becomes more and more clear to me as I am only 2 years into this journey.

Today was priceless. Early morning love from Chris and Britain. Family time at breakfast. Handmade cards. Gifts. Lunch with my family. Moments together celebrating the wonderful gift of motherhood.

I pray all the mothers reading this know that they are loved and so appreciated.

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (all the mothers before us), let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

06 May 2007

Heavy chains

Beth Moore's bible study book "Breaking Free" has been collecting dust for more than 3 years now. For some reason, God drew me to it today and this quote stirred something within me, "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her."

Oh, the chains - the heavy, heavy chains! They've made their home around my ankles, strapped on tightly for the long-haul. To be free - I think about it often, not fully knowing what life would be if I were truly, I mean r-e-a-l-l-y free. I think my sweet husband knows. He casts the vision of what it will be like for me when I can fly. I'm slowly catching glimpses of my life without these heavy, life-sucking chains.

My tendency, though, is to sink back to believing the lies that I will never be rid of the weight that holds me down. BUT, God is prying my eyes open to life in the moments. Moments where all I can do is live in the present instead of dwelling on the 'what ifs' and past failures. These life-giving moments are oh so freeing and give me the confidence to keep pushing forward one moment at a time.

Just to write about this with honesty and transparency is FREEING.