More often than I'd like to admit, I have little pity parties for myself and foolishly compare myself to others who (in my eyes) are so much more talented and gifted than I could ever dream to be. I don't sing, can't draw, have no athletic ability whatsoever, not a lick of rhythm in my body to dance and only hope to write one day (I mean the kind of writing that actually gets published in books!).
I know better, I know that it hurts God's heart when I belittle my own giftings and covet what others have. Just recently, I've started learning to embrace the gifts I do have and really explore what's ready to burst forth.
I'm the girl that never developed any hobbies of my own for fear of failure. If it didn't happen quickly, I gave up. When I learned I wasn't a natural at playing the guitar, I got frustrated after a week and gave it up. Instead, I waited around on guys to call or spent too much time on the phone or out on dates. Silly and such a waste of time, I KNOW!
My mind's whirling with the thought that maybe, just maybe God chose not to give me any outward (is that the right word?) talents and instead, wants me to focus all my time and energy in loving Him and being the best wife and mommy I can be. I think that's worth something so much more in Heaven than being able to kick around a ball (not that there's anything wrong with that!).
Back to the singer/artist wannabe thing...so in my readings the other day in the 'bountains (as Brit calls them), I stumbled upon a few writings that really screamed out to me.
"The song we sing in heaven is undoubtedly a song of triumph - a hymn of victory to the Christ who set us free. Yet the sense of triumph and freedom will be born from the memory of our past bondage. Your Father is training you for a part the angels cannot sing, and His conservatory is the school of sorrows. He sends sorrow to educate you, thereby providing you with the proper training for His heavenly choir. In the darkest night, He is composing your song. In the valley, He is turning your voice. In the storm clouds, He is deepening your range. In the rain showers, He is sweetening your melody. In the cold, He is giving your notes expression. And as you pass at times from hope to fear, He is perfecting the message of your lyrics. O dear soul, do not despise your school of sorrow. It is bestowing on you a unique part in the heavenly song." (taken from a devotional in the book "Streams in the Desert.")
"The coming day is a canvas upon which you can compose a beautiful work of art if you choose to do so. If you choose to walk along the path that was first walked by Jesus, your life will become a masterpiece, a powerful work of art, and a tribute to your Savior. The Christian faith is meant to be lived moment by moment."
So maybe I'm not really a wannabe in some respects. Maybe the musician and artist in me has been there all along and isn't really all that hidden. My hope lies in God's faithfulness to continue writing my story, in the moments.
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