"I've found that when life's brush obscures my view with gloomy strokes that seem to mar the scene, God's hand appears and gives to sunless hue and dreary skies a more majestic sheen." Gustafson

28 July 2007

Mema the beautiful

I've heard it quoted that "it takes a lot of thankfulness to live life."

When CNB & I first started dating, his family graciously welcomed me into their family like a daughter. The biggest blessing was "inheriting" two more grandmothers. My grandparents (on both sides) have since passed on, so it's a true blessing to have these women in my life (and now in BEB's).

Mema B. has shown me what true beauty is. From her slender Olive-oil (Popeye's wife!) like stature to her heart deep within, she radiates beauty. She lives life with a grateful heart that is bursting with Jesus and spilling over with love for her family and the world around her. She has suffered great losses and knows what it is to be lonely. Despite the trials, her gratitude and joyful heart are what keep her alive.

We are miles apart but she keeps us close in prayer and monthly writes beautiful letters that express her immense love for us. I so long for her to live close. I think about what it would be like to have her in our lives daily. I think about having a woman like her pouring into me.

I believe she is truly the most free and content woman I have ever met. She is a dear soul.

In her loving and optimistic words "We're gonna have us a good week ahead!"

27 July 2007

I'm back!

It's been almost two months since I last sat down to blog. While I've still been exercising my creativity, I haven't made the time to write. I've been painting, making bows and managing my Myspace page but I've missed this expression of creativity.

I'm back and hope you enjoy my two latest entries below.

I'm an addict

You might be an addict, IF...you can send a text message to your "drug dealer" and instantly get a fix.

That's what happened yesterday. I was desperately in need of a fix. My fix, however, comes pretty cheaply - only $3.06! And it's the ONLY fix that seems to work!

I've been getting headaches a lot this year. The kind that make me sick to my stomach. Wednesday I felt one coming on at work and made a Starbucks run. I purchased a Coffee Frap lite (only 2 points on Weight Watchers!) and within 15 minutes, I felt like a new woman!

Yesterday's episode was a little different. I was talking on the phone with my parents and when I stood up, it was like the lights went out...and I couldn't see for a few seconds. Then the WORST headache I've had yet, came on viciously. I couldn't function. I literally couldn't get off the couch. In the midst of the episode, I was still trying to take care of BEB. In an attempt to communicate through the pain, I tried to let her know that Mommy wasn't feeling well. She would sweetly come up on the couch, lay her head up to mine as if to console and comfort me. Regardless, she still wanted her toys right then and she was pleading for dinner. I nuked a pizza in the microwave and mustered up the energy to serve it to her. Pizza, dried cranberries and grapes, that's a decent meal - at least the best I could do at that moment. Then back to the couch to warm my chilled body and shut my eyes for a few minutes. I could hear her moving around and just prayed she wouldn't take a dive in the trashcan or worse get into the knife drawer. Poor Scout was doing circles - which means he has to GO!

I kept thinking about all the women who are addicted to "real" drugs. Wondering how they manage to take care of their children when they're laid up on the couch, getting a fix. It was a horrible feeling being so out of control.

Tylenol wasn't touching it so I sent a text to my dealer (CNB). Little did he know what he'd be walking into when he got home. A war zone, a crying daughter, a dog about to wet himself and a lifeless wife. In spite of all this, my hero came home with the goods, took control of the situation and sent me up to sleep it off. Thank you, CNB, for loving me so well. I love you!

Advice from Momma

This blog contains info about female stuff! Just wanted to forewarn you!

I entered an essay contest. Not something I've ever done before but this one piqued my interest because it was asking you to submit one piece of advice your Mom passed down to you that has impacted your life. And the fact that the winner would be awarded $25k didn't hurt either!

So here's what I submitted...we'll see how it turns out!

Ode to Momma
"This too shall pass"

Encourager. Servant. Nurturer. Comforter. Words that come naturally as I think about my Mom. She is an amazing woman who has loved her family well. Over the years, she has passed along numerous nuggets of valuable wisdom. One in particular came at a crucial point in my life - the dreaded middle school years! Four simple words, "This too shall pass" has had a profound impact on my life. Many times throughout my life from a kid on to a wife and mother, I have clung to these words like a toddler clings to a security blanket.

Imagine the scene. A pre-teen entering into womanhood. It happened. I got my period! Like it was yesterday, I vividly remember thinking, there's absolutely NO WAY I can go through life wearing bulky pads and dealing with this horrific rite of passage! Embarrassment first came when I had to change in front of the other "chatty" girls in gym class. Everyone could see my panties bulging from the enormous diaper-like pad! Even my Dad would lovingly make things worse by displaying the newly purchased winged-pads in the back window of our wood-paneled station wagon as we were packing up for family vacation. Mortifying!

Consolation came when I rested in the loving words of my Mother. If Mom and Grandmommy could make it through, I knew I could too. "This too shall pass" has empowered me to look beyond my present circumstances and smile (more like a grimace) with hope at the future.