As I sit down to type, I can't even think straight enough to remember my day! How sad! The WW journey is going really well. I stayed within my points and got in a 30 minute brisk walk on the treadmill tonight.
Brit has an ear infection and W's still getting over his cold and cough but all in all we are well.
I wish I had more to give tonight but alas this is it.
Moving forward....
31 March 2009
30 March 2009
DAY 54
I started my day in the Word and prayer which was a refreshing start to my week. And since my last weigh-in on Friday, I lost 1 lb. A small victory but I'll take it! :) The Weight Watchers journey today has been really easy. I've been planning ahead on meals so I don't get stuck without having something I can eat and even found a great WW recipe for Chocolate Pumpkin muffins...they're actually pretty yummy! I did not exercise today but had every intention of coming home tonight and hopping on the treadmill. Needless to say, it didn't happen mainly because we got home later than expected (which isn't a bad thing) and had to get the kids and dog settled (Scout threw-up in his crate while we were gone....it's been AGES since he's done that!). Plus, I'm feeling very sad about some things that happened in a meeting tonight.
Regardless, I'm trusting God in the process of what He's doing personally in my life and praising Him for the freedoms and new truths He's revealing to me.
Ready for a new day....
Regardless, I'm trusting God in the process of what He's doing personally in my life and praising Him for the freedoms and new truths He's revealing to me.
Ready for a new day....
29 March 2009
DAY 53
Today was very productive! While Chris was at work all day, I was able to clean out some closets and get some things...the kids "helped" and played. The adjustment to having 2 kids has been so smooth. I took them shopping with me and on errands a few times this weekend and they were angels!!
I worked out on the treadmill for 30 minutes and did 100 crunches. Plus, I stayed within my WW points. I don't feel deprived of food at this point. I guess my weigh-in tomorrow will reveal a little!
Excited about the new day....
I worked out on the treadmill for 30 minutes and did 100 crunches. Plus, I stayed within my WW points. I don't feel deprived of food at this point. I guess my weigh-in tomorrow will reveal a little!
Excited about the new day....
28 March 2009
DAY 52
Today has been a FUN celebration day! We are so thankful for our 4 year old little lady. We feel so blessed to be her parents! Her birthday bash was a great success! She was one tuckered out little girl tonight. I think the highlight was having baby Thunder here to celebrate with her! She was so excited earlier in the week knowing he would be here on her birthday! Thank you, Lord!
Day 2 on Weight Watchers has been great! I ate within my points and did a 50 minute speed walk on the treadmill tonight (the best part is you get to deduct 1 point for every 100 calories burned so I burned 450 calories which means I got to deduct 4.5 points from my day!!). I also did 125 crunches on my exercise ball...which I haven't used in months! I didn't have ANY food at Brit's party...only some Dr. Pepper! I'm trusting Chris' word that the cake was good!
Grateful for some victories today!
Day 2 on Weight Watchers has been great! I ate within my points and did a 50 minute speed walk on the treadmill tonight (the best part is you get to deduct 1 point for every 100 calories burned so I burned 450 calories which means I got to deduct 4.5 points from my day!!). I also did 125 crunches on my exercise ball...which I haven't used in months! I didn't have ANY food at Brit's party...only some Dr. Pepper! I'm trusting Chris' word that the cake was good!
Grateful for some victories today!
27 March 2009
DAY 51
Today has been a great day! The kids were angels and didn't give me a moments trouble as I drug them around from store to store finishing up some birthday party shopping for Brit's special day tomorrow. Chris passed his Comcast training course and officially starts on Sunday, woohoo!! Baby boy's social worker bought him some new clothes and the ones that don't fit we got to exchange....I love shopping! Plus I found some bargains at Kid to Kid (a local consignment store).
Ok, on to my Weight Watchers update. Based on my weight, I only get 20 points a day plus 35 flex points per week. I've decided to start my weigh-ins on Mondays so since it's the weekend, I'm dividing my 35 flex points over the next few days. When I weighed this morning, I had lost the 2 lbs I had gained earlier in the week so that was encouraging! I'm right on track with my points for today and didn't cheat any. :)
It's going to be a fun weekend! I can't believe we have a four year old!!!
Onward....
Ok, on to my Weight Watchers update. Based on my weight, I only get 20 points a day plus 35 flex points per week. I've decided to start my weigh-ins on Mondays so since it's the weekend, I'm dividing my 35 flex points over the next few days. When I weighed this morning, I had lost the 2 lbs I had gained earlier in the week so that was encouraging! I'm right on track with my points for today and didn't cheat any. :)
It's going to be a fun weekend! I can't believe we have a four year old!!!
Onward....
26 March 2009
DAY 50
I can't believe it's been 50 days....technically, only 40 to go (although I've said many times before that I don't want to end this quest at day 90!).
Confessions of a caffeine addict ONLY when it comes to migraines: A migraine was coming on strong this morning so I downed a can of Coke and a Caramel Cafe Latte chased by a DELICIOUS Merridee's cinnamon roll! Excess yes, BUT it worked!
These past few weeks I feel like I've taken about 10 steps back. But I watched a video clip of Mike Weaver, of Big Daddy Weave, this morning that encouraged me a lot. He was basically saying how he has a tendency to NOT do something (he was pertaining to a workout) if he knows he can't do it perfectly (45 minute workout vs. 20 minute workout). So today he chose to do what he could instead of NOTHING at all. So, that's what I did tonight. It was getting close to 10PM and I still hadn't done any workout. I'm thankful to say I chose to do my 20 minute Pilate workout tonight instead of NOTHING at all!! Victory!!
I'm hesitant to put this on here for you to read but I desperately NEED the accountability. As of today, I've decided that tomorrow (3.27.09) I will start back on Weight Watchers. I was on it consistently for about 4 months in 2007 and lost a little over 25 lbs. That was the best I've felt in a long time and I truly felt FREE! Even on this 90 in 09 commitment, I'm still not structured enough to lose the weight I need to. I keep seeing myself in pictures and reality is not fun! I think the WW plan worked SO well for me because I'm a structured person. I "enjoyed" keeping track of my points and it REALLY helped me with portion control. I've never attended a meeting (it's a little too pricey for our budget) BUT there are tons of web resources that are so helpful. So dear friends and family, as of tomorrow, I will officially start back on Weight Watchers. I've tried many times before this past year with no avail. PLEASE ask me how it's going the next time you see me!!
Signing off for tonight....
Confessions of a caffeine addict ONLY when it comes to migraines: A migraine was coming on strong this morning so I downed a can of Coke and a Caramel Cafe Latte chased by a DELICIOUS Merridee's cinnamon roll! Excess yes, BUT it worked!
These past few weeks I feel like I've taken about 10 steps back. But I watched a video clip of Mike Weaver, of Big Daddy Weave, this morning that encouraged me a lot. He was basically saying how he has a tendency to NOT do something (he was pertaining to a workout) if he knows he can't do it perfectly (45 minute workout vs. 20 minute workout). So today he chose to do what he could instead of NOTHING at all. So, that's what I did tonight. It was getting close to 10PM and I still hadn't done any workout. I'm thankful to say I chose to do my 20 minute Pilate workout tonight instead of NOTHING at all!! Victory!!
I'm hesitant to put this on here for you to read but I desperately NEED the accountability. As of today, I've decided that tomorrow (3.27.09) I will start back on Weight Watchers. I was on it consistently for about 4 months in 2007 and lost a little over 25 lbs. That was the best I've felt in a long time and I truly felt FREE! Even on this 90 in 09 commitment, I'm still not structured enough to lose the weight I need to. I keep seeing myself in pictures and reality is not fun! I think the WW plan worked SO well for me because I'm a structured person. I "enjoyed" keeping track of my points and it REALLY helped me with portion control. I've never attended a meeting (it's a little too pricey for our budget) BUT there are tons of web resources that are so helpful. So dear friends and family, as of tomorrow, I will officially start back on Weight Watchers. I've tried many times before this past year with no avail. PLEASE ask me how it's going the next time you see me!!
Signing off for tonight....
25 March 2009
DAY 49
God brought me back to the below verse yesterday morning and it's been my prayer as we've been waiting on Baby Thunder.
Psalm 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
We are so, so thankful to have little man back with us. He has done beautifully and went down again tonight without a fuss. I'm grateful things seem to be going smoothly for him as he's adjusting.
Now on to my quest....the part I've been avoiding. I'm not intentionally avoiding my workouts or quiet times, I just haven't made the time lately and my days keep getting away from me. I'm especially worried about how I will juggle these priorities now that life is more full (and I'm NOT complaining when I say this). I'm still feeling freedom from the overwhelming control I felt food had on me but still struggle with portion sizes and that combined with little to no workouts isn't good!
I read the below blog on the 90 in 09 website today and it couldn't have come at a better time!
From www.90in09.com-
"Patience is the main ingredient for perseverance. The Bible says, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”4 Anything worth achieving, any struggle or challenge, requires patience. We don’t plant a garden, and then expect a crop overnight. We give the invisible time to become visible. The Bible says, “A farmer patiently waits for his valuable crop to grow from the earth and for it to receive the autumn and spring rains. You, too, must be patient. Do not give up hope.”5
From Journey to Freedom Founder Scott Reall:
We can plant healthy habits, but we must not expect instant results. Persevere with patience, knowing that in due time your new healthy habits will produce a crop of rewards. Addictions become easier to resist. The pounds will come off. Destructive patterns lose their grip. But it won’t happen unless we are patient. Another verse in the Bible states, “we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces
perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3–4 NKJV). It’s a natural progression. Francie Larrieu Smith competed in her fifth Olympic event as a marathon hopeful at the age of 39. In a Sports Illustrated article, she spoke about a race, “that’s what gives me the old hope, if I can see the finish line I can always find something.”6 When we see the finish line we can muster up the strength to get there. When everything in us says to just lie down and quit, we can draw from God the strength to finish. To persevere, let patience have time to work. The Bible says, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”7
Thank you, Jesus, for these verses and reminders to persevere with patience.
Moving forward...
Psalm 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
We are so, so thankful to have little man back with us. He has done beautifully and went down again tonight without a fuss. I'm grateful things seem to be going smoothly for him as he's adjusting.
Now on to my quest....the part I've been avoiding. I'm not intentionally avoiding my workouts or quiet times, I just haven't made the time lately and my days keep getting away from me. I'm especially worried about how I will juggle these priorities now that life is more full (and I'm NOT complaining when I say this). I'm still feeling freedom from the overwhelming control I felt food had on me but still struggle with portion sizes and that combined with little to no workouts isn't good!
I read the below blog on the 90 in 09 website today and it couldn't have come at a better time!
From www.90in09.com-
"Patience is the main ingredient for perseverance. The Bible says, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”4 Anything worth achieving, any struggle or challenge, requires patience. We don’t plant a garden, and then expect a crop overnight. We give the invisible time to become visible. The Bible says, “A farmer patiently waits for his valuable crop to grow from the earth and for it to receive the autumn and spring rains. You, too, must be patient. Do not give up hope.”5
From Journey to Freedom Founder Scott Reall:
We can plant healthy habits, but we must not expect instant results. Persevere with patience, knowing that in due time your new healthy habits will produce a crop of rewards. Addictions become easier to resist. The pounds will come off. Destructive patterns lose their grip. But it won’t happen unless we are patient. Another verse in the Bible states, “we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces
perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3–4 NKJV). It’s a natural progression. Francie Larrieu Smith competed in her fifth Olympic event as a marathon hopeful at the age of 39. In a Sports Illustrated article, she spoke about a race, “that’s what gives me the old hope, if I can see the finish line I can always find something.”6 When we see the finish line we can muster up the strength to get there. When everything in us says to just lie down and quit, we can draw from God the strength to finish. To persevere, let patience have time to work. The Bible says, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”7
Thank you, Jesus, for these verses and reminders to persevere with patience.
Moving forward...
24 March 2009
DAY 48
Tonight has been such a celebration! We welcomed Baby Thunder back into our home and spent the evening loving on him and re-introducing him to his home. He was smiling and laughing and even went to bed very peacefully. We are so grateful for his homecoming!
It's late so I'll end for now. Short and sweet!
It's late so I'll end for now. Short and sweet!
23 March 2009
DAY 47
I'm fading fast but still want to keep my commitment to post about the day. The meeting with the social worker went pretty good and if all goes as planned, Baby Thunder will be coming home to us tomorrow evening! It almost seems surreal....so much has happened and things have turned around so quickly but this is the HOPE that I have had and so we're rejoicing!! There is still a long road ahead but we will continue to take it one day at a time!
I gained 2 lbs since last week so of course I'm feeling shame about that and I haven't been able to workout since last Thursday so that makes it even harder. I'm trying not to wallow in my discouragement but I also know that this week is going to be pretty crazy (in a GOOD way) with the transition and adjusting to life with 2 children again so I'm hoping for strength to continue on my plan of working out 4 times a week and staying in the Word everyday.
Ready for the homecoming tomorrow!
I gained 2 lbs since last week so of course I'm feeling shame about that and I haven't been able to workout since last Thursday so that makes it even harder. I'm trying not to wallow in my discouragement but I also know that this week is going to be pretty crazy (in a GOOD way) with the transition and adjusting to life with 2 children again so I'm hoping for strength to continue on my plan of working out 4 times a week and staying in the Word everyday.
Ready for the homecoming tomorrow!
22 March 2009
DAY 46
We had an AMAZING weekend at Montgomery Bell State Park! The weather was perfect, our campsite was filled with all our camping gear and we even ran into a family that goes to our church. They invited us over for Smores by the campfire last night! It was a blast!
I'm hoping to get back on my workouts and eating plan this week. I did enjoy a few Smores and a Sonic sweet tea today! I ate well this weekend but didn't over-do it. We'll see what the scale says in the morning!
Tomorrow is a BIG day of meetings that will determine if Baby Thunder will in fact get to come home to us Tuesday. Please continue praying!
Looking forward to a new week...
I'm hoping to get back on my workouts and eating plan this week. I did enjoy a few Smores and a Sonic sweet tea today! I ate well this weekend but didn't over-do it. We'll see what the scale says in the morning!
Tomorrow is a BIG day of meetings that will determine if Baby Thunder will in fact get to come home to us Tuesday. Please continue praying!
Looking forward to a new week...
20 March 2009
DAY 44
Thunder is in our forecast but we're going camping tomorrow! We are in desperate need of a getaway and can't wait to take Brit on her first camping trip!! Our meeting with the social worker went really well today and if everything goes as planned, baby Thunder will be back home with us on Tuesday!! We are still soaking it all in and battling the fear we have about all that lies ahead BUT are so grateful God is allowing him to come back to us!
Today has been a little better but I still found myself eating more than usual. Again, not unhealthy foods, just more in quantity. And I didn't get my workout in unless you consider walking from one end of Walmart to the other a workout! :)
While there will be plenty of pig-out foods around this weekend (Smores, popcorn, chips, etc) I am praying for the strength to continue on my quest and not jump ship.
Since we'll be out in the middle of nowhere, tomorrow will be my first time skipping a day of blogging. I will be sure to catch you up on Sunday night.
Looking forward to tomorrow...
Today has been a little better but I still found myself eating more than usual. Again, not unhealthy foods, just more in quantity. And I didn't get my workout in unless you consider walking from one end of Walmart to the other a workout! :)
While there will be plenty of pig-out foods around this weekend (Smores, popcorn, chips, etc) I am praying for the strength to continue on my quest and not jump ship.
Since we'll be out in the middle of nowhere, tomorrow will be my first time skipping a day of blogging. I will be sure to catch you up on Sunday night.
Looking forward to tomorrow...
19 March 2009
DAY 43
Whew....I'm thankful this day is coming to an end. I've done nothing but emotional eat almost all day, this is very unlike me these past 43 days. I know it's tied to everything regarding Baby Thunder right now. We are hoping to have more answers tomorrow.
I did spend time in the Word this morning which was refreshing and good. No workout today but I've been doing pretty good with my workouts this week so I'm staying on track.
Ready for a new day....
I did spend time in the Word this morning which was refreshing and good. No workout today but I've been doing pretty good with my workouts this week so I'm staying on track.
Ready for a new day....
18 March 2009
DAY 42
Today has actually been a roller coaster ride in regards to my emotions. Most of my day was spent on the phone with key people about Baby Thunder. Our biggest prayer is for peace and direction....which has been the case all along.
I noticed that I ate a little more at lunch and dinner than I have been, not necessarily unhealthy foods, just a little more of it and that I know is related to the helplessness I'm feeling and my emotions. I was able to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes tonight.
Brit and I had fun watching American Idol, reading and playing with her baby dolls while Chris was at a meeting.
I'm ready for more answers tomorrow and clarity in knowing where to go from here.
Moving along...
I noticed that I ate a little more at lunch and dinner than I have been, not necessarily unhealthy foods, just a little more of it and that I know is related to the helplessness I'm feeling and my emotions. I was able to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes tonight.
Brit and I had fun watching American Idol, reading and playing with her baby dolls while Chris was at a meeting.
I'm ready for more answers tomorrow and clarity in knowing where to go from here.
Moving along...
17 March 2009
DAY 41
What a gorgeous day! When I got home from work this afternoon, Brit and I had fun outside. We took a stroll around our neighborhood picking dandelions and shamrocks, played on the swing and then had fun with a neighbor friend on her trampoline. It was family night so Mimi and Papa came for dinner and then stayed for some of American Idol. I managed to get in a 35 minute walk on the treadmill and read some this evening.
I tried a delicious new lasagna recipe for dinner and OD on it a little. My mind has been thinking about it all night! I even went into the kitchen, opened up the left over container and almost ate more, not because I was hungry but because it tasted so good and it had such a control over me. Thankfully, I stopped myself. And thankfully I've gone another day without desserts.
Hopefully I'll be able to share more details about Baby Thunder soon but appreciate your continued prayers as we seek God's wisdom and guidance.
I'm pooped so I'll call it a night.
Enjoying the quest...
I tried a delicious new lasagna recipe for dinner and OD on it a little. My mind has been thinking about it all night! I even went into the kitchen, opened up the left over container and almost ate more, not because I was hungry but because it tasted so good and it had such a control over me. Thankfully, I stopped myself. And thankfully I've gone another day without desserts.
Hopefully I'll be able to share more details about Baby Thunder soon but appreciate your continued prayers as we seek God's wisdom and guidance.
I'm pooped so I'll call it a night.
Enjoying the quest...
16 March 2009
DAY 40
40 days and 5 lbs lighter! Ok, honestly, not the results I had hoped for but slow and steady is the goal. I want this 90 day commitment to be lifelong. I will say that the attack has gone from my food addiction to other areas in my life that have caused pain and struggle. I'm grateful for the strength God is giving me in the midst of these struggles; if it weren't so, I guess I wouldn't be growing and maturing spiritually.
No desserts today (yay!); no workout (I'm giving my legs a rest since I've had 3 intense days on the treadmill) and no time in the Word (no excuse, I over slept and then have been going non-stop all day). Even now, Chris and I just finished meeting with Baby Thunder's Uncle so the last 2 hours have been really good yet heavy as we consider where God is leading us next.
Inching....
No desserts today (yay!); no workout (I'm giving my legs a rest since I've had 3 intense days on the treadmill) and no time in the Word (no excuse, I over slept and then have been going non-stop all day). Even now, Chris and I just finished meeting with Baby Thunder's Uncle so the last 2 hours have been really good yet heavy as we consider where God is leading us next.
Inching....
15 March 2009
DAY 39
We've enjoyed another fun day together! I was able to get a 35 minute walk in on the treadmill this morning and then we went to a fun birthday party this afternoon. We had a pizza dinner and then played Old Maid together.
I refrained from any sweets at the party but noticed that I munched a lot before dinner. I'm grateful for a relaxing weekend with my family.
Ready for a new week...
I refrained from any sweets at the party but noticed that I munched a lot before dinner. I'm grateful for a relaxing weekend with my family.
Ready for a new week...
14 March 2009
DAY 38
Today has been a dreary day in Middle Tennessee. Brit had dance this morning (which was lots of fun!) and then we hit Trader Joe's and a few other stores on the way home. I managed to get a 35 minute walk in on the treadmill and then we went to Church this evening and Jason's Deli with the grandparents afterwards. Chris and I just spent about 2 hours meeting with Baby Thunder's family (they initiated the meeting) about the status of things going on with the birth parents and how we potentially fit into the picture. It was so hard to hear about his state of mind and how he's suffering physically right now. We don't know what the future holds but the family firmly believes we are Baby Thunder's parents so we will continue to fight for him. I'm feeling extremely sad for him right now. It's late so I'll end for tonight.
Looking forward to a fresh start tomorrow...
Looking forward to a fresh start tomorrow...
13 March 2009
DAY 37
Today has been a fun day! I met Chris and Brit at the mall for lunch (after I got off work), we shopped a little and then I got Brit dressed up in her Princess dress for her date night with Daddy. They went to a Daddy/Daughter dance at our church and had a blast! I met one of my closest friends for dinner at Pei Wei and enjoyed a girls night out!
I'm bursting to share the scriptures and excerpts I read this morning. So much to share and all of these really hit home today.
Psalm 112:7-8
"He will have NO fear of bad news; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear."
Psalm 40:1-2
"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire."
Psalm 119:109
"Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget Your law."
Psalm 18:36 says of our God, "You enlarge my steps under me, and my feet have not slipped."
The below excerpt comes from Beth Moore's book, "Get Out of That Pit"...
"Scripture defines stronghold as any and "every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God." 2 Corinthians 10:5. Anything that dwarfs His truth and knowledge in your imagination is a stronghold. A stronghold is something you have. A pit is somewhere you life. Defeat becomes a lifestyle. Addiction is not satan's goal - destruction is. He wants to destroy our lives, our callings, our sense of godly significance, our personal intimacy with God and every relationship that matters to us. The movement toward destruction is progressive, from one tiny step to the next in little increments that you don't even notice. A person can be addicted to substances, behaviors and relationships."
Still no desserts today and I ordered a kids portion at dinner so I wouldn't gorge myself. I even walked 1 hour on the treadmill tonight (it helps that Channel 45 - TLC kept me occupied while I walked!).
Looking forward to a new day....
I'm bursting to share the scriptures and excerpts I read this morning. So much to share and all of these really hit home today.
Psalm 112:7-8
"He will have NO fear of bad news; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear."
Psalm 40:1-2
"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire."
Psalm 119:109
"Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget Your law."
Psalm 18:36 says of our God, "You enlarge my steps under me, and my feet have not slipped."
The below excerpt comes from Beth Moore's book, "Get Out of That Pit"...
"Scripture defines stronghold as any and "every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God." 2 Corinthians 10:5. Anything that dwarfs His truth and knowledge in your imagination is a stronghold. A stronghold is something you have. A pit is somewhere you life. Defeat becomes a lifestyle. Addiction is not satan's goal - destruction is. He wants to destroy our lives, our callings, our sense of godly significance, our personal intimacy with God and every relationship that matters to us. The movement toward destruction is progressive, from one tiny step to the next in little increments that you don't even notice. A person can be addicted to substances, behaviors and relationships."
Still no desserts today and I ordered a kids portion at dinner so I wouldn't gorge myself. I even walked 1 hour on the treadmill tonight (it helps that Channel 45 - TLC kept me occupied while I walked!).
Looking forward to a new day....
12 March 2009
DAY 36
I'm trying to find JOY in the midst of sleet and cold, dreary days! My heart so wants the warmth back.
No workout today but I actually peeled myself out of bed early this morning and spent time in my closet with my Bible, prayer list and journal. It was so sweet!
I read...
Joshua 1:9
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord Your God will be with you wherever you go."
It's not normal for me to be terrified, but I do get discouraged a lot. I love the power in this verse and the reminder that in the depths of discouragement, Jesus is there.
God revealed a few glimmers of encouragement today as the story of baby Thunder continues to unfold. Hope lives on in my heart!
I was craving a Sonic latte (or something hot from Starbucks) and chocolate like crazy today BUT did not cave in to the pull of those temptations! :)
Onward....
No workout today but I actually peeled myself out of bed early this morning and spent time in my closet with my Bible, prayer list and journal. It was so sweet!
I read...
Joshua 1:9
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord Your God will be with you wherever you go."
It's not normal for me to be terrified, but I do get discouraged a lot. I love the power in this verse and the reminder that in the depths of discouragement, Jesus is there.
God revealed a few glimmers of encouragement today as the story of baby Thunder continues to unfold. Hope lives on in my heart!
I was craving a Sonic latte (or something hot from Starbucks) and chocolate like crazy today BUT did not cave in to the pull of those temptations! :)
Onward....
11 March 2009
DAY 35
Today has been a busy and productive day! Plus, I was able to get in 30 minutes on the treadmill this afternoon...woohoo!
I read these verses tonight and all three are so powerful to me, especially right now in this process.
Psalm 130:1-2
"Out of the depths I cry to You, O Lord, O Lord, hear my voice. Let Your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy."
Psalm 130:5
"I wait for You, my soul waits and in Your word I put my hope."
John 8:31-32
"I want to hold to Your teachings, Lord, and as I know the truth, the truth will set me free."
I so desperately want to KNOW the TRUTH so I can be FREE! I've "known" this verse my whole life but I've NEVER been free. It's so humbling to see where the Lord has brought me in just 35 days and yet this is only the beginning of learning to live a FREE life from bondage.
Moving ahead....
I read these verses tonight and all three are so powerful to me, especially right now in this process.
Psalm 130:1-2
"Out of the depths I cry to You, O Lord, O Lord, hear my voice. Let Your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy."
Psalm 130:5
"I wait for You, my soul waits and in Your word I put my hope."
John 8:31-32
"I want to hold to Your teachings, Lord, and as I know the truth, the truth will set me free."
I so desperately want to KNOW the TRUTH so I can be FREE! I've "known" this verse my whole life but I've NEVER been free. It's so humbling to see where the Lord has brought me in just 35 days and yet this is only the beginning of learning to live a FREE life from bondage.
Moving ahead....
10 March 2009
DAY 34
It's super late and unexpected but God opened the door for me to go meet with some counselors tonight, which means I didn't get my workout in. I'm so thankful I went and grateful for their time.
I'll share some of the things I read today and end with them.
Galatians 5:1
"The goal of any discipline is to result in greater freedom."
From Journey To Freedom Founder Scott Reall:
"We can’t claim ignorance any longer; we know what we’re doing. I know when I reach for addiction that it is going to break my heart--and yet I keep doing it. I believe that I don’t have the power to stop, and this is the power an addiction has over us. People ask me about my struggle with addiction, “Why do you do it?” And I say, “I don’t know why.” Paul says this is in the New Testament: “The thing I know to be wrong, I do.”
What is it to live with suffering?
Suffering is the necessary feeling of evil. If we don’t feel evil we stand antiseptically apart from it, numb. We can’t understand evil by thinking about it. The sin of much of our world is that we stand apart from pain; we buy our way out of the pain of being human.
Jesus did not numb himself or withhold from pain. Suffering is the necessary pain so that we know evil, so that we can name evil and confront it. Otherwise we somehow dance through this world and never really feel what is happening.
Brothers and sisters, the irony is not that God should feel so fiercely; it’s that his creatures feel so feebly. If there is nothing in your life to cry about, if there is nothing in your life to complain about, if there is nothing in your life to yell about, you must be out of touch. We must all feel and know the pain of humanity. The free space that God leads us into is to feel the full spectrum, from great exaltation and joy, to the pain of mourning and dying and suffering. It’s called the Paschal Mystery.
The totally free person is one who can feel all of it and not be afraid of any of it.
from Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, p. 209, day 218
Ready for a new day...
(Source: Days of Renewal)
I'll share some of the things I read today and end with them.
Galatians 5:1
"The goal of any discipline is to result in greater freedom."
From Journey To Freedom Founder Scott Reall:
"We can’t claim ignorance any longer; we know what we’re doing. I know when I reach for addiction that it is going to break my heart--and yet I keep doing it. I believe that I don’t have the power to stop, and this is the power an addiction has over us. People ask me about my struggle with addiction, “Why do you do it?” And I say, “I don’t know why.” Paul says this is in the New Testament: “The thing I know to be wrong, I do.”
What is it to live with suffering?
Suffering is the necessary feeling of evil. If we don’t feel evil we stand antiseptically apart from it, numb. We can’t understand evil by thinking about it. The sin of much of our world is that we stand apart from pain; we buy our way out of the pain of being human.
Jesus did not numb himself or withhold from pain. Suffering is the necessary pain so that we know evil, so that we can name evil and confront it. Otherwise we somehow dance through this world and never really feel what is happening.
Brothers and sisters, the irony is not that God should feel so fiercely; it’s that his creatures feel so feebly. If there is nothing in your life to cry about, if there is nothing in your life to complain about, if there is nothing in your life to yell about, you must be out of touch. We must all feel and know the pain of humanity. The free space that God leads us into is to feel the full spectrum, from great exaltation and joy, to the pain of mourning and dying and suffering. It’s called the Paschal Mystery.
The totally free person is one who can feel all of it and not be afraid of any of it.
from Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, p. 209, day 218
Ready for a new day...
(Source: Days of Renewal)
09 March 2009
DAY 33
Sadly, my morning started around 1:30AM from a migraine that started yesterday and woke me up in the middle of the night. I often find myself in the bathroom getting sick from migraines, as was the case last night. So I was weary when I woke up due to lack of sleep but thankfully my migraine was gone this morning!
When I weighed in, I was in a lower weight range that I haven't seen in about 4 months so that was exciting....I was on the high end of it but still it's a small victory to see some progress from being more disciplined in my food consumption.
I kept track of my food/beverage intake and although I'm emotional tonight, I haven't even considered turning to food...a huge victory! I even said "no" to a delicious looking cupcake at dinner!!
It feels so freeing to look back over the last 33 days and realize that I've not been hiding when I eat AND I don't feel the level of shame I've felt in the past controlled by my food addiction.
I'm so grateful for this quest and the way God is redirecting my path...I'm learning who I am, quite possibly for the first time in my life and more of who He is.
Another step forward....
When I weighed in, I was in a lower weight range that I haven't seen in about 4 months so that was exciting....I was on the high end of it but still it's a small victory to see some progress from being more disciplined in my food consumption.
I kept track of my food/beverage intake and although I'm emotional tonight, I haven't even considered turning to food...a huge victory! I even said "no" to a delicious looking cupcake at dinner!!
It feels so freeing to look back over the last 33 days and realize that I've not been hiding when I eat AND I don't feel the level of shame I've felt in the past controlled by my food addiction.
I'm so grateful for this quest and the way God is redirecting my path...I'm learning who I am, quite possibly for the first time in my life and more of who He is.
Another step forward....
08 March 2009
DAY 32
Today has been another sweet day with my family and dear friend. She's leaving tomorrow so I'm sad to see her go. I've also been really sad about baby boy tonight. He's so close (literally a half mile down the road from us) yet so far away. He needs his Mama and Daddy and there's absolutely nothing we can do.
HIGHLIGHTS
*Spent time in the Word and prayer this morning and God keeps bringing me to this verse, "Bring me out into a spacious place; rescue me, Lord, because You delight in me." Psalm 18:19
*Had lunch at Cracker Barrel with my family! It was such a treat!
*Only had 1 biscuit at CB, normally I eat 2 on top of everything else.
*Stopped by Sonic to pick-up drinks for Chris and our guest and didn't get one for myself because I had my latte for the week yesterday.
*Got to take a nap....it was much needed!
*At dinner, I only had one serving instead of stuffing myself.
*Chris, Brit and I laid under the stars this evening, it was gorgeous out!
*A family favorite....dancing to a silly song before bed! You should've seen the three of us, hilarious!
*50 minutes on the treadmill (We finally have the cable hooked up to the treadmill so I watched a full episode of Clean House!)
Inching forward...
HIGHLIGHTS
*Spent time in the Word and prayer this morning and God keeps bringing me to this verse, "Bring me out into a spacious place; rescue me, Lord, because You delight in me." Psalm 18:19
*Had lunch at Cracker Barrel with my family! It was such a treat!
*Only had 1 biscuit at CB, normally I eat 2 on top of everything else.
*Stopped by Sonic to pick-up drinks for Chris and our guest and didn't get one for myself because I had my latte for the week yesterday.
*Got to take a nap....it was much needed!
*At dinner, I only had one serving instead of stuffing myself.
*Chris, Brit and I laid under the stars this evening, it was gorgeous out!
*A family favorite....dancing to a silly song before bed! You should've seen the three of us, hilarious!
*50 minutes on the treadmill (We finally have the cable hooked up to the treadmill so I watched a full episode of Clean House!)
Inching forward...
07 March 2009
DAY 31
Today has been a FUN day! Brit had dance this morning so that's always the highlight of our Saturday mornings. Our dear friend from NC is visiting this weekend so we strolled through downtown Franklin, enjoyed the gorgeous day and ate lunch at our favorite local bakery, Merridee's. Then we went to church tonight and to a friend's house for dinner with a great group of people we're just getting to know. It was the perfect night for appetizers on the back patio by the fire pit. I wish this weather was here to stay! All in all, I was able to use self-control and even politely turned down brownies and ice cream after dinner!! I did enjoy half of a fat free cinnamon roll from Merridee's with lunch but it's FAT FREE and they're AMAZING! :)
We're in the book of 1 Thessalonians at church and our pastor specifically spoke about JOY tonight. I took away three points that really made me think about JOY in a different way and ask the question of myself that he posed, "Am I joyful?"
*JOY is a choice, not a feeling.
*JOY is a response.
*JOY is uncontaminated by selfishness or worldly motives.
I was up until 3AM last night chatting and catching-up with my dear friend and then up at 6:45AM with BEB...and now with the time change tonight, I'm going to be a zombie tomorrow!!!
Excited about the new day...
We're in the book of 1 Thessalonians at church and our pastor specifically spoke about JOY tonight. I took away three points that really made me think about JOY in a different way and ask the question of myself that he posed, "Am I joyful?"
*JOY is a choice, not a feeling.
*JOY is a response.
*JOY is uncontaminated by selfishness or worldly motives.
I was up until 3AM last night chatting and catching-up with my dear friend and then up at 6:45AM with BEB...and now with the time change tonight, I'm going to be a zombie tomorrow!!!
Excited about the new day...
06 March 2009
DAY 30
I so needed this encouragement today. Here's an excerpt from today's My Utmost for His Highest devotional.
" . . in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses —2 Corinthians 6:4
We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you."
The words that stand out to me are PERSEVERANCE and UNDEFEATED. Two things I want to be true of myself...that I persevere and live an undefeated life. These have not be evident in my life up until recently.
My time in the Word was brief this morning but I was hunkered down in my closet (once I finally rolled out of bed!) reading and praying. I love God's message in Psalm 62:8 "Help me to trust in You at ALL times and pour out my heart to You, for You are my refuge."
For the most part, I chose healthy options today. I stayed away from sweets and wasn't even tempted by Britain's chocolate chip cookie at Moe's (and I usually always get one with my meal!).
A dear friend is coming in for the weekend so I'm waiting up for her. More to say tomorrow....
" . . in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses —2 Corinthians 6:4
We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you."
The words that stand out to me are PERSEVERANCE and UNDEFEATED. Two things I want to be true of myself...that I persevere and live an undefeated life. These have not be evident in my life up until recently.
My time in the Word was brief this morning but I was hunkered down in my closet (once I finally rolled out of bed!) reading and praying. I love God's message in Psalm 62:8 "Help me to trust in You at ALL times and pour out my heart to You, for You are my refuge."
For the most part, I chose healthy options today. I stayed away from sweets and wasn't even tempted by Britain's chocolate chip cookie at Moe's (and I usually always get one with my meal!).
A dear friend is coming in for the weekend so I'm waiting up for her. More to say tomorrow....
05 March 2009
DAY 29
Ahhhh, I feel a little more in control today! I had a sweet time in the Word this morning and also managed to work in 20 minutes of Pilates tonight.
I read these verses this morning and they both hit home for me.
Eph 4:22-24
"Lord, with regard to my former way of life, You are helping me to put off my old self, which would only be corrupted by continued deceitful desires. Make me new in the attitude of my mind and help me to put on the new self created to be like You in true
righteousness and holiness."
Prov 3:7-8
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."
I was looking back through my Journey to Freedom notes recently and wanted to share a few valuable teachings from Scott Reall.
He shared the acronym:
HALT
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - this is the place where life can bring us that is uncomfortable and we want to medicate and control.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over." For years, I run to food for comfort when things are out of control or I'm emotional. I've done the same thing over and over to fill a void. BUT, God is teaching me to go a different direction. To turn. To invite Jesus into those moments when I want to run.
I've been thinking about food all day. Even right now as I type, I want to go in the kitchen and just pig out!! I'm not even hungry but I am lonely (Chris is out for the evening with a friend), tired, and sad. Food can have such a control on my mind. Thankfully, I'm learning to recognize the pull food has over me and go a different way. It's so stinkin hard to break patterns that have been in place the majority of my life!
Thank you, Jesus, for Your endless grace!
Straining ahead...
I read these verses this morning and they both hit home for me.
Eph 4:22-24
"Lord, with regard to my former way of life, You are helping me to put off my old self, which would only be corrupted by continued deceitful desires. Make me new in the attitude of my mind and help me to put on the new self created to be like You in true
righteousness and holiness."
Prov 3:7-8
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."
I was looking back through my Journey to Freedom notes recently and wanted to share a few valuable teachings from Scott Reall.
He shared the acronym:
HALT
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - this is the place where life can bring us that is uncomfortable and we want to medicate and control.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over." For years, I run to food for comfort when things are out of control or I'm emotional. I've done the same thing over and over to fill a void. BUT, God is teaching me to go a different direction. To turn. To invite Jesus into those moments when I want to run.
I've been thinking about food all day. Even right now as I type, I want to go in the kitchen and just pig out!! I'm not even hungry but I am lonely (Chris is out for the evening with a friend), tired, and sad. Food can have such a control on my mind. Thankfully, I'm learning to recognize the pull food has over me and go a different way. It's so stinkin hard to break patterns that have been in place the majority of my life!
Thank you, Jesus, for Your endless grace!
Straining ahead...
04 March 2009
DAY 28
It's late again and I'm searching for words to type. Today has been a pretty typical day but I noticed I consumed more than usual. I'm trying give myself some grace. I didn't fall off the deep end by any means but I didn't work out or read today either so I'm feeling the weight of that right now. But I refuse to listen to my inner critic that wants to deceive me into thinking that I should just give up the fight. Tomorrow is a new day!!
03 March 2009
DAY 27
I attended a friend's Memorial service this morning; worked all day; enjoyed our family dinner with Mimi & Papa; went to a Russia mission meeting to learn about a summer mission opportunity this evening; read Brit a bedtime story; did 20 minutes of Pilates and just had an unexpectedly long and really good conversation with Chris...we wanted to get in bed by 10:30 but alas it's pushing midnight! I was able to bake a batch of tollhouse chocolate chip cookies today at work for a band and NOT eat a single bite! This is huge for me!
My emotions have been high today because we found out the courts granted Baby Thunder's Aunt & Uncle custody of him until his parents are deemed "fit" by the state. I want so desperately to go visit him. Tears are plentiful these days.
Just wanted to give you a brief snapshot of my day.
Ready for another day....
My emotions have been high today because we found out the courts granted Baby Thunder's Aunt & Uncle custody of him until his parents are deemed "fit" by the state. I want so desperately to go visit him. Tears are plentiful these days.
Just wanted to give you a brief snapshot of my day.
Ready for another day....
02 March 2009
DAY 26
It's the end of a long day and honestly, my brain is a bit mushy. Tonight was good but emotional so I'm a bit worn out from it. While my mind's telling me to go pig out because of the emotional state I'm in, I refuse to go back there. I have to keep reminding myself (and I haven't been doing a great job of it lately) that I'm on a quest...I pushed off from shore 26 days ago and I'm not looking back. I'm trying not to beat myself up for not being in the Word today and for missing my workout time. All I can do is look ahead and trust Jesus.
01 March 2009
DAY 25
It's been a fun family day! Chris & Britain made snow castles on the deck this morning and then we played Old Maid and Candyland this evening. The day was intertwined with "chores" - laundry, straightening up, grocery shopping, etc. I did manage to get in a 20 minute Pilates workout tonight and read & prayed a little this morning. I made a Sonic run this afternoon for Chris and because I had such an awful Latte last week, they gave me another one for FREE! I was hesitant to drink it at first but gave it a chance and it was actually pretty good. Hoping to get back on task tomorrow with tracking my food/water consumption and workouts.
Pushing ahead....
Pushing ahead....
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